What NOT To Say To Your Wife during…. That Time of the Month | Sherri Lynn

Episode Transcript

FamilyLife Today® with Dave and Ann Wilson; Podcast Transcript

This content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.

When it’s “That Time of the Month”: PMS, Partners, and the Christian Faith

Guest: Sherri Lynn

Release Date: August 12, 2025

Dave (00:00):

So we thought today could be the five things husbands—

Sherri (00:04):

Okay.

Dave (00:04):

—this could be men, but husbands should not do or say during that time of the month.

Ann (00:10):

Men, this is our gift to you. You might’ve wanted to check out, but you need to check in. So today we’re going to talk about something I’m guessing Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine, I don’t think they talked about this.

Dave (00:31):

You know, and I don’t think I’m going to talk about it either. I think I’m going to go watch ESPN or something.

Ann (00:36):

This is really a good topic. Many of you, you’re going to be so thankful we’re talking about this.

Dave (00:43):

Go ahead, tell them what it is.

Ann (00:44):

The book is called—

Dave (00:45):

No, no, don’t tell the book title yet. Tell them what the topic is.

Ann (00:49):

The topic is PMS.

Dave (00:50):

Okay. There you go. We’re going there, folks.

Ann (00:53):

And I’m just going to tell you, every woman just said, “Oh good. Thank you for being honest and real.” For you men that you might be thinking, “I’m checking out right now,” no. You have wives, daughters, sisters. This is a thing man.

Dave (01:07):

Yeah, Ann and Sherri are going to have a great conversation.

Ann (01:12):

Let me tell you the name of this book because the title is classic and wonderful.

Dave (01:15):

I wish I had written a book with this title.

Ann (01:18):

I Want To Punch You In The Face But I Love Jesus by Sherri Lynn.

Dave:

We have the puncher in the face sitting right here.

Ann:

Sherri, welcome to FamilyLife Today.

Sherri (01:28):

Thank you so much. I’m so grateful to be here.

Dave (01:29):

Hey, I got to ask you though, where seriously, where’d this title come from?

Sherri (01:33):

Experience; saying that in my head. And then when I said to publishers what it was, they were like, “Well, we can’t publish that.” I said, “It’s, I want to punch you in the face, but, not and, you know what I mean? But I’m not going to do it because of Jesus. But I do want to do it. And I think that women can relate to it. I know they can. And so I thought, well, I’ll write the book that I needed when I was 22.

Ann (01:59):

There you go. Do you think a lot of women need this book? You’re a communicator.

Sherri (02:05):

Yeah.

Ann (02:05):

You do it—well, first of all, tell us what you do.

Sherri (02:08):

I am on the radio and have a podcast with Brant Hansen. And so I produce The Brant Hansen Show and co-host. And then we also have The Brant and Sherri Oddcast, and I produce that and co-host that as well.

Dave (02:20):

Yeah. One of the things you said in the book is that, in the intro really, that when you talked about this on the Brant and Sherri—was it on the Oddcast?

Sherri (02:28):

It was on the radio, but before we did it, the way it came about was we were sitting in a meeting, a show prep meeting—and you guys know what that’s like and trying to figure out what you’re going to talk about—and I had a coworker that was in that room with us. She was eating yogurt, and she was scraping the container. And it was that calendar time of the month and that’s all I could hear. She would scrape three times and slurp.

And so Brant is talking to me and ladies, let’s be honest, you know what I’m talking about. There are certain things you’re heightened. Everything is heightened. Why is that happening? Why is this good? Why are you doing that? And I was heightened, and I couldn’t focus on him. And I heard “Scrape, scrape, scrape, slurp; scrape, scrape, scrape, slurp,” and I was like, “I don’t know how not to kill her.” I know. Now I didn’t, guys. So if you’re listening like, “Oh my goodness,” I didn’t, but inside that’s what I felt. And so he’s talking, and he said, “Is there anything that you want to talk about?” And I said, “Every 28 days I want to kill people.” And he stopped—you have to know my cohost. He’s on the spectrum and—

Ann (03:35):

We’ve had him on several times.

Sherri (03:37):

Yes, he’s very strait-laced. So I said that, and he goes, “Anyone specific?” So he was hoping it wasn’t him. And then we started talking about it and he was like, “Well, let’s get on the air and talk about it.” And I was like, “How do we do that?” And we figured it out. And when we talked about it, the lines never stopped ringing, of women saying “Thank you” because I started to realize this is not something we talk about in church culture.

Ann (04:05):

Well, it’s interesting too because you went to publishers to—

Sherri (04:07):

Yes.

Ann (04:08):

—get your book published, but—

Sherri (04:09):

They would not do it. Now, every publisher, every single one said, “It is funny. It is well-written. It will connect. I can’t do it.” And it was because and I understood it. One agent told me “It’s too Christian for secular and it’s too secular for Christian.” But I think what he meant was it had a realness to it. I mean, I talk about things that happened to me during this time of the month. I’m not blaming the time of the month other than to say it is a factor and we should talk about it.

Ann (04:42):

Yes.

Sherri (04:43):

And I talk about being in a parking lot at Walmart and having some really choice words. And you guys think about what those words were that I chose in the Walmart parking lot. Many of you have chosen those words in the Walmart parking lot and ask God to forgive you after and I get it, right. I talk about that and then just feeling so empty after I did that and feeling—

Ann:

—shame.

Sherri:

—shame. That is so good. Shame. That’s what the enemy will do with darkness.

Ann (05:10):

And say, “What kind of a Christian are you? I thought you were a believer. You were walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. What is that?”

Sherri (05:17):

Right, and that’s what was happening to me in my twenties. I felt like I was backsliding every 28 days until I realized it was a cycle. And what that does is me to be able to say something chemically is happening to me. And so do I have to pay attention more? Yes. Do I have to press my way to Jesus like that woman with the issue of blood did? Yes. But at least now I can acknowledge this is not a barometer on my spiritual walk with God. This is me as a woman.

Ann (05:50):

And it doesn’t make excuses for you to sin. You’re not saying it’s okay to sin during that time.

Sherri (05:54):

No, I’m not. In fact, there are a few things in the Bible, like women that I talk about in the Bible that I think may have been PMSing. I talk about Jezebel, and I talk about how if we let this part, if we let it be an excuse every 28 days, I’m going to turn into the Hulk. Because that’s what I say this is.

Dave (06:14):

Yeah, you said that—

Sherri (06:16):

Yeah, yeah.

Dave (06:16):

—like “I turn into the Hulk.”

Sherri (06:17):

I do. I’m turning colors. My hair is all over my head. I can’t fit in my clothes.

Dave: You are wearing green today.

Sherri: I am wearing green today, so everybody be careful. But if I’m going to let that happen every 28 days and let carnage be here—just go off, no apology, no explanation and communication. It’s not a good time for me right now, but I’m just going to flip out every time—then that’s actually who you turn into so that whatever you are at that moment is really what you become. So you are still responsible for the Holy Spirit working in your life during that time. It’s just acknowledging it’s a little harder right now and being okay saying that.

Ann (06:55):

Yeah. You know what I wish? I have three sons and this wasn’t—

Dave (07:00):

You have four. You actually have four. The other one’s sitting right here.

Ann (07:03):

But I didn’t struggle with this too much. My mood swings weren’t too bad. Maybe you think they are, Dave, or they were.

Dave (07:10):

Well, I mean part of me is like, I’m glad men are listening because this is educational for us.

Ann (07:13):

That’s what I was going to say.

Dave (07:15):

We do not understand.

Ann (07:16):

Our sons got married and they came to me and “Why didn’t you talk to us about this?” Because this is a thing in our homes at this time of month and it’s hard. What’s happening? And I wish, shoot, I wish I would’ve talked to them about that more.

Sherri (07:31):

Well, I was talking to men. I have a chapter where I interviewed husbands and said, “What do you go through during this time?” And I did that because a friend of mine said, “Well, gosh, she turns into a different person and it’s so hard to deal with that time because it’s like she’s not my wife anymore. It’s like she hates me. It’s like I can’t do anything right. It’s like every little thing, just breathing gets on her nerves.” And I said to him, “If you hate having to live with the “monster,” as he put it during that time, imagine turning into it. Imagine knowing that it’s coming. Imagine there’s not really anything that can stop it from coming and it’s going to happen again in 28 days. Just think about that.”

And women like me who have maybe other issues that contribute to it, it is really just gosh, laying before God saying, “Please help me, my tongue.” And so I had this whole thing; this list of things that women should do. I call it My PMS Regimen so that you can help. And one of the things is “Say as few words as possible.”

(08:44):

I learned that.

Ann (08:45):

Yeah, scripture says that.

Sherri (08:47):

Yes, it does. And that’s what I mean. Now it’s going to be harder during this time. I don’t get a pass because something chemically is happening. God knew that when scripture was written. There’s no asterisk saying “Every 28 days, Sherri, you go for it. Let him have it, girl.” He doesn’t do that, but it’s going to be harder. And I had to learn, be quiet because you are going to have to pay for all of this. All of these words just, but that agitation is kind of growing in you. It really is a spiritual discipline. It really is.

Ann (09:19):

It’s self-control, the fruit of the Spirit.

Sherri (09:20):

It has to be the Spirit. Because just me and myself—I said even the eye rolling is too much. My face can show something that my words may not be saying, right? And the issue was I didn’t want to cause problems with people that I love and then have to clean that up every month. Because that’s what was happening, right. Just rampage, clean up, rampage, clean up. I don’t want to have to do that. I want to give the Holy Spirit license to move in every area of my life. He knows this is happening to me and He’s there to help, but it’s okay to say it.

Ann (09:53):

And you have a name for it.

Sherri (09:54):

Yeah. Patty Sinclair—I’m sorry, Patty Michelle Sinclair, which is PMS. I needed a character. When I went to write this, I’d only written live stage plays and screen plays, and so I was like, “I don’t have a character. I don’t know how to write without a character.” And then I thought, “Well, PMS, Patty Michelle Sinclair, perfect.” It just worked. And now I can’t tell you how many women when we go out to do live things are like “Patty,” “Hey Patty,” like people, “Patty Michelle,” “Patty,” and I know it’s a sisterhood now. I’m like, “I know exactly what you’re saying, Patty Michelle, we’re in the same boat. We understand each other.” But I made that so that it could be a through line through the whole book.

Ann (10:36):

That’s good.

Sherri (10:36):

Yeah.

Ann (10:37):

So number one, “Don’t say so much.” Quiet, stay quiet.

Sherri (10:42):

Yes, Stay quiet, no rolling of the eyes. Remind yourself everyone is not a moron.

Dave:

I think I might have that. I’ve got that same thing.

Sherri:

Dave’s got Patrick—

Ann:

Your children and spouse are not your enemies.

Sherri:

Yes, exactly. Because something happens that just, it’s everything is kind of agitating.

Ann (11:03):

Let’s talk about what is happening. Talk about that. You probably studied it.

Sherri (11:07):

I did. It’s hormonal. There are certain things that are lowering, certain things that are heightened. And if you have preexisting conditions as I do—I have endometriosis and other things—that your body is just going through this chemical change and it is so difficult to separate that from your attitude, but the Holy Spirit is there to help me. That’s what I had to know.

I put this in the book. The editor that I use suggested against it, but I said, “This actually happened.” I was in church. I was a youth minister. I had an intern, so to speak. She wasn’t really an intern, but she was a young adult that was helping me. And she was so, she was obnoxious guys. I don’t know how else to—she was obnoxious on a not calendar day, let alone during Patty Michelle Sinclair. And I always had trouble dealing with her, but it was during that time, and I knew that I was going to be seeing red. I did everything I thought, like pray “Jesus, please don’t—” But that time, I still remember it. It’s gut wrenching because when you fail, you know what I mean? And you know you failed God, but it was just such rage. We were sitting in the room with the young people.

Ann:

Oh no.

Dave (12:27):

Oh, there were others.

Sherri (12:28):

Oh yeah. It was the whole youth group was there, other leaders, and she had started her—that kind of just “ni ni ni ni ni. You don’t know. And you ain’t never, and you ain’t—“ You can’t see me but I’m rolling my head in a very Shaniqua fashion.

Dave:

You were rolling your head.

Sherri:

And it was just going to my core. And women, please hear me. And I understand this is hard to talk about in “Christian” because we try to pretend like this doesn’t happen. “Not me. I immediately went to the Lord and said to him, ‘God help me.’ And he did it. And I had said peace and angels came and they flew around me and I felt gold dust in the air to signify the cherubim’s.” Okay, great for you. I lost it. And when I lost, I could feel myself losing it. So I went to leave.

(13:20):

And when I went to get,

Ann:

That was wise.

Sherri:

Yes, but when I got to the door guys, the pastor who was also my uncle, who I adore with all of my heart, did what he thought was right, which was we need to resolve this. So he stopped me.

Ann:

You were trying to say less.

Sherri:

I was trying to say less and leave. And he stopped me. And when he stopped me, I don’t know what that was. I don’t know what it triggered, but the next memory I have is I’m in the parking lot of the church and I can see the ground and I hear blood curdling screaming. I’m like, “What is that? Who’s screaming?” And I realize it’s me that I am on my knees screaming. And so I literally blacked out and I asked my mom “What happened?” She said, “Girl, you a lot stronger than you walk out. It took five people to carry you out of that room” when I lost it.

Now here’s the thing. I still have to be with this youth group. I still have to be in this church. I still have to and this happened, this big public failure. And was that a catalyst of it? PMS? Yes, it was. Am I still responsible for my actions? Yes, I am. And so living through that, again, it goes back to what you said, the shame.

(14:41):

And living through that was probably one of the hardest things of my life.

Ann (14:45):

Oh, I can imagine the enemy whispering in your ear.

Sherri (14:47):

Oh my gosh.

Ann (14:49):

“What kind of believer—you say you’re a Christian?”

Sherri:

Yeah.

Dave (14:51):

Christian leader.

Sherri (14:52):

Yes. And over other leaders. And had it not been for people carrying you out, you would’ve pummeled one of the leaders in front of the young people. That’s what happened. And so me saying, “I don’t want to be this person. What do I have to do now, God, for you to work in my life,” that even when something chemical is happening, supernatural, that’s what the fruit of the Spirit is, right? It’s the fruit of the Spirit. I can’t do it. He has to do it. I have to know, “Lord, in these times, I’m going to have to really surrender,” and I got to watch what I listen to. I got to watch who I’m around. I got to watch what I pay attention to. There are certain things that I have to do to set myself up here. And then the Holy Spirit has to, I have to be yielded and crucify my flesh. I just wanted women to know you’re not alone.

(15:38):

Don’t suffer in this alone.

Ann:

And don’t give up.

Sherri:

It’s okay for us to talk about. Don’t give up.

If I can tell this story very quickly, it’s not really about PMS, but it is about that time my grandfather who—off the air we were talking about him. He could be a combative guy. He believed in whooping a bully in public. That’s what he would say. So he believed in confrontation. And I remember after this episode of going through this and being so ashamed of myself, wondering how I’m going to carry my head in this church and going to see my grandfather who was in the hospital. He’s in the hospital, and I go to his bed and apparently someone in my very big, very loud, very communicative family told him what happened. And he says, I said, “Grandpa.” And he said, “Oh, you don’t have to tell me.”

(16:25):

“I heard.” And I said, “Yeah.” He goes, “Well, I’m proud of you.” And I said, “Why?” He said, “I bet you she won’t mess with you again. You’re like me.” That’s what he said. And I said, “It was simultaneously the most affirming and scary thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Okay, yes. This is like him. God, I can’t be this all the time. This man is 80 something years old in the hospital and he’s happy I got into a fight. I can’t be that person.” I remember going to God and saying, “God, you have to change me.”

Ann (16:56):

It was a pivotal moment.

Sherri (16:57):

It was a, oh my goodness, that was such a pivotal moment for me, guys. And the reason why I put it in the book is because if it weren’t during that time, I think it would’ve been easier. But something chemically is happening. I’m in pain, right? I’m taking medication for—I take prescription medication so—

Ann (17:16):

You could have a headache. So many things going on.

Sherri (17:18):

All of it’s going on in my body. And then you add that to it. It was such a moment for me to say, “God, help me surrender more. Help me surrender more.” But at that time, I thought there was no redeeming; that I just thought there was no redemption for me. And so having walked through that, I want to turn back to younger ladies and say, “It’s okay. God forgives.” I put in the book, “He stores your tears up in a bottle. And even if on the bottle, he’s like, seriously labels it, “Seriously, you were crying over that,” He still cares enough to store them up. He still loves you. Nothing you’re doing is a shock or surprise to Him. Just come to him with a humble heart and He will. He’ll change you. He’s changed me.

Ann (18:00):

Take us back to the church, the youth group. Did you have to go back?

Sherri (18:04):

I did. I went back. I had to apologize. I had to apologize to the church. I had to apologize to the young lady. The kids still bring it up and they’re in their twenties. “Y’all remember Miss Sherri freaked out?” They still bring it up. But you know what? To me, if we can do something like that—I know we don’t like it. I didn’t like it—if we can do something like that, and then someone is able to watch the redemption process in our life, if they’re able to watch the repentant process in our life. I talk about that in the book about our glossy testimonies, these testimonies that we give, where somehow in the middle, nothing happened, right? It’s like, “Oh, I messed up. [Gibberish] Now I’m awesome.” Well, that middle is where people learn that Jesus still loves them.

Ann (18:49):

That’s where most of us live, in the middle.

Sherri (18:51):

That is, absolutely.

Ann (18:52):

We’re struggling. So why are we putting a veneer on to say we don’t struggle.

Sherri (18:54):

That’s exactly what I wanted. And so did they see that? Yes. Are they 28 now, 29 now, and also see who God has turned me into?—the development of my character? They see that too. And so now they know that He’s able, they know that He can do that for them. And I think we do a terrible disservice when we don’t talk about that middle.

Ann (19:20):

What would you say as men are listening, what would you say to them?

Dave (19:24):

I’m right here.

Sherri (19:25):

Okay. Yeah, I’m going to look right at you.

Ann:

There it is.

Sherri (19:29):

It is happening. And just because you don’t go through it, that doesn’t invalidate that it’s happening because you don’t understand it. Because I mean, one time I wrote something that guys were just so angry about, and when I look back on it, it was a little too much. But I said, “Let’s say every 28 days, I’m coming to hit you in the head with a hammer. And you know that that’s going to happen no matter what, every 28 days. And let’s say that once I smack you in the head with a hammer, you got to go to work.”

(20:03):

“You don’t get to sit down. You don’t get to say, ‘Woo, my head hurts. Oh my gosh, my head’s bleeding.’ Nope. We’re going to wrap it up. Head to work now. Whatever that pain is, whatever that is, now you’re going to have that. And then it’s happening another 20. How would you feel on day 23? A little nervous, right? A little anxious, right? 24. Oh gosh. 25. My God. Why? Because I’m getting ready to bang you with a hammer and wrap you up until you go out into the world and act like I didn’t just do that.”

And I put that on. But I didn’t word it that well. It was worded very poorly. It was not received well at all. But what I’m saying is please acknowledge that this woman that you love, whether it is your wife, your mother, your daughter, whomever, is having something happen to her body. And it could be anywhere from if you didn’t really have those kinds of symptoms to so severe that she can barely get out of the bed, and that this is going to happen every time.

And if you can’t put yourself there, please read how Jesus treated the woman who had the issue of blood. That is such a story for me. Someone who has gone through that; obviously gone through that kind of pain, thinking about 12 years, and it was difficult. I had to read that for myself because typically it was men preaching to us and they’re telling that story. But you can’t tell that story from experience.

Ann (21:32):

And not only physically what she was going through but being unclean, not being able to fellowship.

Dave (21:37):

Right. I mean, have you seen the episode of The Chosen?

Sherri (21:39):

Absolutely. I saw it.

Dave (21:40):

I mean that, when I watched that, I felt her shame.

Sherri (21:43):

Yes.

Dave (21:44):

You read it, but man, you sort of saw it and you’re like, “That’s probably pretty close.”

Sherri (21:49):

And you are on edge, right? And so think about that and think of the care and the love and the affirmation that Jesus gave, and just do that. Just do what he did, right? He was busy. He stopped. Somebody was a really important guy, said to him, “Can you come to my house?” He’s following that. There are people all around him.

Ann (22:12):

Someone’s dying and he’s going to heal them.

Sherri (22:14):

That’s right.

Ann:

But he stops along the way for her.

Sherri:

Yes, he does. Yes, he does. And she touches him. Now she could have got healed. He could have went on. He didn’t. He stopped. He looked at her. He saw her. He affirmed her.

Ann:

Called her daughter.

Sherri:

He called her daughter. That’s exactly right. So what do I do? How do I do what he did?

Dave (22:32):

Well, I think Sherri, nobody can describe it like you. I think as men, we do not think it’s a punch with a hammer in the head. Only you would come up with that analogy.

Ann:

I love it.

Sherri (22:44):

I want to reiterate how poorly that was received.

Dave (22:47):

No, but the thing is, you come up with that analogy, as a man I’m thinking the analogy is going to be somebody came up to you and gave you a little punch in the shoulder.

Sherri (22:57):

Okay.

Dave (22:57):

Like you felt it, but it didn’t hurt. That’s what it feels like. No. You’re saying no, no, no, no. This is what it is. I mean, when I was reading your book, the revelations of men and PMS, they don’t know they want to help. It makes them sad. They still love us, Patty and all. We don’t know. I mean, you got a thing going on. It can’t be that big a deal.

Ann (23:17):

Right. See Dave’s face right now, that’s it. He has this scrunching and he’s like, “Why do you have to be so emotional? It can’t be that bad.” Which then is a whole other category of shame.

Dave (23:29):

More guilt.

Sherri (23:29):

Yeah, yeah.

Ann (23:30):

Like I must be weak. I must be soft. I must not be spiritual.

Dave (23:35):

And I didn’t have daughters, so I don’t understand. And I belittle it. And I’m not saying I’m every man, but I’m guessing some men are like me and others maybe. But I was like, come on, just step out of it. We’re good.

Sherri (23:48):

Suck it up. You’re okay.

Dave (23:49):

Let’s go. And they’re carrying around the Hulk

Sherri (23:52):

Yes.

Dave (23:52):

And I have no idea.

Sherri (23:53):

Right. And it’s not just emotional. Physically—

Ann (23:55):

Yes.

Sherri (23:56):

So there I’m learning to go into all of that, but physically something has happened to you.

Ann (24:00):

Oh yeah.

Sherri (24:01):

You’re on edge.

Ann (24:02):

Cramping—

Sherri (24:03):

Yes.

Ann:

—can be debilitating.

Sherri:

It was for me—

Ann:

Me too.

Sherri:

—from 10 years old on. And so I knew every day, my mother knew there was going to be two days maybe of school I was going to miss. We never really knew. I was always going to end up in the nurse’s office. I was always going to be violently ill. She was always going to have to come get me. And that was straight through high school.

(24:22):

So that’s your life. And so I would say to your point, Dave, for women, it’s important for us to try to understand—try to do it outside of the 28-day issue. So you’re not going to get it during that time. Try to do it outside of it—that he doesn’t understand. And why would he? And so the expectation for him to get it and fix it and make it okay and know to get you this, know to do that, know to do that. He can’t relate. He thinks it’s a punch in the shoulder.

Ann:

A little punch.

Sherri:

Yeah, a little punch, a little slap on the shoulder. Well, why wouldn’t he think that? That’s not his life. And so for me to think that he is going to understand it, that doesn’t make any sense. So I have to know he doesn’t really understand. I had to say that about my brother. Now, my brother understands now after growing up with me, now he has his wife and two daughters. I told him, I don’t know what you did to God to make Him make you grow up with me and then raise me twice. I don’t know. My nieces are just like me. He, him, me, him. Yeah. He knows now he really understands. But until then, how would they know? So to have some grace and to communicate, that’s where I struggled. Where this is what I’m feeling.

(25:39):

This is what’s happening to me.

And then I would say to the guys when she communicates that, sometimes that’s to be fixed. Chocolate always works. Amen. Praise Jesus; fixes a lot of things. But to not dismiss or belittle it. You’re already crumbling inside. You don’t need someone who loves you coming and saying, “Ah, come on, let’s go over here.” And you need someone to understand this is my life and it’s going to be my life. And again, women are on all different spectrums of it. But if you’re not a woman who experiences it to that extent, you know someone who does.

Ann (26:17):

And we just need someone that walks with us, that loves us, and that gives us grace.

Sherri (26:21):

That’s what I said. Look at what Jesus did.

Ann (26:24):

Yep.

Sherri (26:24):

You don’t have to do it all at once. Let’s do it in pieces, right?

Ann:

I love it.

Sherri:

He’s busy, he’s crowded, all of these things are happening, but He finds a way to affirm that woman.

Ann (26:32):

And you could, as a wife or a sister or a mom, you could buy your husband a book called, I Want to Punch You In The Face But I Love Jesus by Sherri Lynn. Best title ever.

Sherri (26:43):

I will be honest. I didn’t really think that through. I didn’t think what that was going to feel like every time I did an interview or every time I got on stage and had to say it. I thought, “Oh, you might have want to thought that through a little better, but here we are.”

Ann (26:55):

But Sherri, when you talk to groups of women, like at a conference, what happens to your books?

Sherri (27:01):

Sell out. Always sell out.

Dave:

Why?

Sherri:

Because no one’s talking about it. And because it’s fun and it’s funny, and I put a big picture one time up on the screen. It’s in the book of a hot dog that I ate during this time of the month where you become a little more ravenous.

Dave (27:18):

I mean, one of your chapters is called “Fatty Patty.”

Sherri (27:20):

Fatty Patty. That’s right. Because that’s one of the things with the pressure of weight, image and all of that for women to have this time where you want to eat every single thing in the world, right? Or when you are going to get bigger because of water retention or whatever. And you literally, guys, one day you could be one weight—men, please hear me.

Ann:

It’s true.

Sherri:

On the 20th of the month, I can weigh one weight. On the 21st I am five pounds heavier.

Ann (27:51):

Five pounds, five pounds.

Sherri (27:51):

How in the world did that happen?

Ann (27:53):

And your clothes don’t fit quite as well.

Sherri (27:55):

That is exactly right. And if you are already uncomfortable in your skin, uncomfortable, this is just going to happen. It’s added to it. So I thought, well, let’s talk about that because you want to eat everything in the world. I asked women, what’s the fattest thing you ate? And it’s listed there. I have a whole list of things. I couldn’t put them all in there. Some of them were so wonderful. And I started with my own, which was this hot dog that was fried and then dipped in cheese twice and then fried again so that the cheese calcified all over the hot dog and with bacon and also fries and a milkshake. And I did not feel bad about any of it. And then we went out for donut ice cream afterwards where they had this donut and they would put ice cream on top of it. And so that was my biggest fatty Patty thing. And then I asked women, and they just said it. And it takes the shame away.

Ann (28:50):

There it is.

Sherri (28:51):

All of us, “Oh, she wouldn’t,” “I didn’t do that,” or “I didn’t do”— I had one lady say she took her kids brownies and went in the bathroom and locked the door and they know—”Mom!”

Ann (29:02):

That’s a mom thing right there. I’m going to be in the bathroom by myself with a pan of brownies,

Sherri (29:07):

Your pan of brownies.

Ann:

Yeah, that I made for you.

Sherri:

And I’m going to come back out and the pan’s going to be empty, and I don’t want any questions. So having that kind of camaraderie and understanding and hearing that women go, everyone is going through it, removes the shame. Because I do fear and shame are two of the biggest weapons of the enemy that you’re afraid that you’re different than everybody, so you’re ashamed. But man, the light of Christ will blast that out. And so that’s why I believe in being really, really honest, being really, really frank. That’s why I love you guys because you’re like that too, just this is the thing. This is what it is. People are set free with the truth.

Ann:

Exactly.

Dave (29:46):

Well, here’s the thing, men don’t, we don’t get it.

Sherri (29:49):

Right.

Dave (29:49):

Even as I hear you talk, I’m still like, I’m not sure I understand. So we thought today could be the five things husbands, this could be men, but husbands should not do or say during that time of the month.

Ann (30:04):

Men, this is our gift to you. You might’ve wanted to check out, but you need to check in.

Sherri:

Right, right. This is it.

Dave (30:12):

So Sherri, you got one?

Sherri (30:15):

I do. My first one is do not under any circumstances use the R word. Now the R word is “Relax.” I know that makes perfect sense to you. I know that you are looking and you’re like, that’s the answer. She needs to relax. Hey brother, brother in Christ. I’m not telling you you’re wrong. I’m just telling you, if you’d like to live to see your kids tomorrow, don’t do it. Relax. The female interpretation of relax is attack. When we hear that, just think of an interpreter. When I hear that it’s attack. “That doesn’t make any sense.” Exactly. So don’t say it. That’s my first thing. I know it’s the thing you want to say. Do you think we don’t know inside we need to relax. Do you think that we don’t know this is a total overreaction. I am sitting outside of my body, like, “Shut up,” but I can’t. So work with me here but relax. What do you think is going to happen? If you say, “Why don’t you relax?” Do you think she’s going to be like, “That’s the answer.” Oh my goodness.

Ann:

Thank you. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. But now that you said it—

Sherri:

Now that you said it, it’s almost like let there be light. Your words are just like God and created something out of nothing.

Ann (31:33):

Let’s just say dads, dads of your teenage girls, oh, it is. You light that fuse and it’s like the pit bull could come out.

Sherri (31:44):

She has so much less experience she doesn’t know. That’s why I wrote the book. Give it to her.

Dave (31:51):

Well, the truth is, I mean, Sherri, when you said this, do you think we don’t know we need to relax. We do think you don’t see how irrational you’re being. I mean that’s

Ann (32:03):

Sherri, you don’t know this, but this is one of our biggest fights, this word—

Sherri:

Okay.

Dave (32:07):

Not anymore.

Ann (32:08):

You used to use it all the time.

Dave (32:10):

All the time.

Ann (32:11):

And you know I’m strong and I can be pretty intense. And so for Dave to say “Relax,” it is like lighting the fuse.

Dave (32:20):

You know what? When you said that word is attack to us, I’m like, you’re right. That’s what happened.

Sherri (32:23):

That’s what she did.

Dave (32:25):

I don’t know why I kept saying it. Every time she went running across the kitchen, like, “You tell me to relax, I’ll show you what relax is like.” But I’m like, “That’s what I mean right there.” How stupid could I be? I kept saying it every day.

Ann (32:38):

For men, some of you men like, “Okay, I never knew this.”

Sherri (32:41):

Yeah, let’s not say it. So that is a big one that, and again, the diagnosis may be correct.

Ann:

That’s good.

Sherri:

She does need to relax. Just know you saying it is not going to make that happen.

Dave (32:57):

I just want to hear you do a man’s voice again. It’s funny every time

Sherri (32:59):

Brant always says to me, “Why do we all have to talk like that?” So when I do a man’s voice, I’m like … and he’s like, “Why? That’s not how we talk.”

Ann (33:10):

And we did say it at the beginning, but you and Brant Hansen are on the radio every day. You have a podcast.

Dave (33:16):

Brant and Sherri Oddcast.

Sherri (33:17):

Yes, and we have been doing that show for 11 years.

Dave (33:20):

It’s been 11 years.

Sherri (33:21):

Yeah, it’s been 11 years.

Dave (33:22):

And if you haven’t heard it, let me tell you it’s fabulous. You’ll laugh like you are right now.

Sherri:

I appreciate that.

Dave:

It’s also deep. You dig into stuff—

Ann:

And spiritual.

Sherri (33:31):

Yeah. Well, that’s the point of it all is that we want people to have that full experience of who we actually are. So when people say, “You guys laugh too much on the show,” he says, “You have no idea what happens when we’re done recording.” There have been times, literally we’ve been in the studio, and we have laughed for a half hour about something so ridiculous.

Ann:

Like PMS.

Sherri:

Yeah, yeah. Well, he’s not really laughing, but I am. May I say this actually? One time he said to me, “You are always so kind,” because I asked him about this book. Do I ever bring this here? Because I fight not to bring it here. I fight—we call her Patty Michelle Sinclair, which is PMS is who I say my alter ego is when I’m PMSing.

Ann (34:19):

Do you walk in the room and say, “Patty’s here today.”

Sherri (34:21):

Patty, I don’t want that. I don’t want to be known as that, right? So I asked him, “Do I bring this here? You can tell me like, ‘Hey, there are certain times in the month where I can’t even ask you a question without you losing it.’” And he said to me, which was one of the greatest compliments I’ve ever had, he said, “You are always kind to me, always kind to me.” And he said, “But there are times that I can tell you’re digging a little deeper to be kind.”

Ann (34:51):

That’s a compliment.

Sherri (34:52):

I thought that was such a wonderful compliment that you see the effort because guys, I am telling you it is effort. Every hormone in your body is raging in the opposite direction. And so to be able to feel inside you. Guys, think of what chemically rushes in you and causes you to want to go in another direction. Think about that. I’ll leave it to you. That’s what we’re dealing with for five, sometimes seven, sometimes ten, whatever days that I am literally fighting against my body. My body is my enemy and I’m fighting against it, not wanting to hurt the person I see in front of me that I love.

Ann:

That you love.

Sherri:

I love with all my heart, and I can’t stand you. And I don’t know why. It’s irrational, but it’s true. I don’t want you—you’re breathing too loud.

Ann:

Oh, I have to share this.

Dave (35:49):

I mean, you’re in the fight.

Sherri:

Yes.

Ann (35:50):

Yes. I remember I was in my early forties speaking at marriage conference, and this older woman came up—she was probably in her mid-fifties—and she said, “Girl, you have got to talk about hormonal fluctuation and just your hormones being out of whack.” I said, “Really? You think I should?” She goes, “Well, let me tell you what happened at the mall last week.” She said, “I’m telling you I must be so—something is wrong with me because I’m at the mall with my family, my teenage kids. We’re all walking around.” She goes, “And they keep saying, ‘Mom, go in this store. Mom, go in this store. Mom, go in this store.’ And there is a point where they were bugging me so bad that I’m in the middle of the mall and you know how they have those cute little display tables for Christmas?” She said, “I scream at the top of my voice ‘I don’t want to go there.’” And she said she cursed. And then she takes the table, and she flips it.

Sherri (36:46):

She did a Jesus in the temple.

Ann (36:47):

There it is. She flipped the tables in the mall, and she said her husband came up to her quietly and he just said, “Honey, we need to get you some help. We need to get you to the doctor.” And she said, “My doctor did some blood tests to see”—

Sherri (37:02):

Yeah, yeah.

Ann (37:03):

—”how my hormones were. And he said, ‘I don’t even know how you’ve been functioning.’” And so this stuff is real. It physically affects us.

Sherri (37:10):

It is. I remember going to the doctor and her starting to tell me things that, “Oh yes, that is exactly what I’m doing. That’s exactly what I’m feeling.” Then you are able to regulate it and it’s like, “Oh, okay. This is happening to my body.” And I know if men don’t understand that because it’s not happening to them, if you could just understand this is not psychological.

Ann (37:37):

Yeah.

Sherri (37:37):

This is physiological. This is happening to my body, and you love that woman in front of you. If something was raging to come and get her, you’d put your body in front of her to stop it. That’s what’s happening. So if you could have compassion, you may not be able to have empathy, but if you could have compassion in that way, just like this, I mean, you’ve literally made a fool of all of us in the mall, and I come up to you and I say, Hey, we probably need to get you some help. So if you could just feel that instead. Relax is really more about you than it is her, isn’t it?

Ann (38:12):

Right, right.

Sherri (38:13):

That’s like, “I want this to end” instead of what is best for her at this moment.

Ann (38:17):

That’s good

Sherri (38:18):

Because it is a woman that you love and she doesn’t want to be going through it any more than you want to be on the other side of it.

Ann (38:24):

Alright, number two.

Dave:

We got to fly. What’s two?

Ann (38:27):

You go.

Dave (38:28):

No, I’m talking to two women.

Ann (38:29):

You’re not going to have any.

Dave (38:31):

I had one.

Ann (38:31):

Okay.

Dave (38:32):

The only one I thought of is guys, don’t during this time of the month say to your wife, “Let’s have sex.” Well, here’s what we do.

Sherri (38:41):

I’m single so I’m going to sit this one out and listen to the two of you.

Dave (38:44):

We don’t say because we know that. But there can be a temptation to say it’s all about me. “So I understand, but can you just take care of me?” That is so selfish. That is so I don’t really care what you’re going through. Put it aside. Can’t be that big a deal. It’s just like this is one week or three days or five days, or maybe it’s ten days. You just love your wife.

Ann (39:09):

How can I serve you?

Dave (39:10):

How can I be your partner in this? Again, it’s like, don’t say relax. The opposite of relax would be “Tell me more. What does this feel like? How can I be a partner rather than trying to make you do what I want, even though it’s not the right time of the month for you.”

Ann:

That’s good. I like it.

Dave:

Look at that. See how quick a guy can explain something and then it’s over. Okay, let’s go back to you guys.

Ann (39:34):

Well, mine is similar to all these are things not to say, of anything about “Why do you have to be so emotional?” And there’s a part—

Dave:

This is personal.

Sherri (39:45):

Okay, good.

Dave:

Again, she’s coming after me right now.

Sherri:

I am enjoying the dynamic between the two of you. I wish I had some popcorn.

Ann (39:51):

And I tend to not be generally very emotional. And I’m not saying that it’s bad to be emotional, but I’m pretty steady. But when he comes in—

Dave (40:00):

Steady, she cries maybe once a year.

Sherri (40:03):

Okay.

Dave (40:04):

When she cries, I’m dead. It’s bad.

Sherri (40:06):

Actually, I’m like that too.

Dave:

Are you really?

Sherri:

Like if someone says, if I’m crying, something’s like everybody clear the room.

Ann (40:15):

But you say that, but our listeners are thinking, “She cries all the time.”

Dave (40:19):

I know

Ann (40:19):

—in our interviews.

Dave (40:20):

But I mean in our marriage, if you’re crying about something—

Ann (40:22):

I used to cry way more.

Dave (40:24):

—I’ve hurt you deeply. So in terms of being very emotional, high and low, you’re not, you’re pretty steady.

Ann (40:28):

Oh. So just to say, “Why do you have to be so emotional?” that what that’s saying to me is “Stop having any emotion because this is making me feel uncomfortable.” I hate that. So during that time of month, I might be more emotional. Instead of saying, “Why do you have to be so”—or to say that to your daughter, your teenage daughter—

Sherri (40:48):

Oh my goodness.

Ann (40:49):

—that’s like death to her.

Sherri (40:50):

Yeah.

Ann (40:51):

And that’s a shaming word.

Sherri (40:52):

It is. And she doesn’t know what’s happening to her yet. She’s young, so she doesn’t know. So to do that is to not just invalidate her feelings—because she’s young and she’s growing, and she doesn’t get it yet—you’re almost invalidating her. You know what I mean?

Ann:

That’s what she feels.

Sherri:

Yes. It’s a put down that she’s going to have to try to rage against. Man, do all you can to support her during that time until she understands her body, until she starts to understand her emotions. Some of us, it took us to our thirties. We’re on the other side almost out of it, and we’re like, “Oh, okay, now I get it.” So at that age, you have no idea what’s happening to you.

Ann (41:30):

And even when they’re crying, when girls are crying and wives are crying, just be with her. Don’t judge it. Or be like, “Oh geez, it’s that time of month again.” That sets us on fire, man. Or it makes us run away in shame like, “Here I am, feeling again.”

Sherri (41:48):

Yeah.

Ann (41:48):

Yeah.

Dave (41:49):

Yeah. I hope guys are taking notes. This is good. So we got three.

Sherri (41:52):

Okay, three. I have one more. All of mine are funny. You guys were really serious. “You’re having another one?” Now that’s food. It doesn’t matter what it is. Another wing, another piece of pizza, another piece of chocolate. I don’t care what it is.

Ann:

This isn’t just that time of month. This is—

Sherri:

Yeah, please don’t ask me “You are having another one?” Just let me be please. And then this is in conjunction with that. A lot of us have go-to outfits during this time.

Ann (42:23):

These are things I never thought we’d talk about.

Sherri (42:26):

It’s true, right?

Ann:

Yes, it’s true.

Sherri:

You have a go-to outfit that it’s stretchy.

Ann:

Mine’s called my fat suit.

Sherri:

Yeah. See, this is—

Dave (42:34):

This is a thing.

Sherri (42:34):

Yes. It’s not going to make me feel uncomfortable. I look a little slimmer in it. It’s not buttoned. It’s not whatever it is. Okay, now let me tell you something guys. I will rock that outfit every doggone day. I don’t care. I’ll put it in washer dryer. I’m wearing it again. Do not say “That again? Didn’t you have that on yesterday?” If she has the same outfit on for two days.

Dave (43:00):

Say, “You look good, girl.”

Sherri (43:01):

Get a clue. “I love that outfit on you.” Bru, that’s going to help you out. “You’re looking good. Please hit. “I love when you wear that.”

Ann:

“Will you wear it again tomorrow?”

Sherri:

There you go. Fifth day. Let’s go for six.

Ann (43:14):

Actually, that’s true. When I come home from work, I might put that on 20 days in row.

Sherri (43:22):

Yeah, that again, don’t do that. We have a go-to outfit that doesn’t make us feel bloated.

Dave:

Just one?

Sherri:

You may have one, two, or three, but you’re going to rotate. But there are pants that are dedicated for this time

Ann (43:38):

They’re not tight.

Sherri (43:39):

They are not tight. But especially when even the leggings and everything, I know we had a bunch of discussion about how is that modest and hey, look, let me tell you something. That makes you feel good about you.

Ann (43:53):

That’s right.

Sherri (43:53):

Now is it lying? You’re not really that skinny when you look at me.

Ann (43:58):

You’re feeling good until you see that picture somebody, they’re like, “Oh.”

Sherri (44:01):

Those are skinny pants on a non-skinny girl. I understand that for myself. However, they make me feel good. I’m going to wear them so that I can feel good about myself. And I would tell a guy like, don’t question it, but support it. Say, “Wow. I love when you wear that.” You’re going to go far with that, sir.

Dave (44:17):

That is good advice.

Sherri (44:19):

You’re going to go far with that.

Ann (44:21):

So good. Alright, what’s your last one?

Sherri (44:21):

That was my last one. Those were my two.

Dave (44:23):

Yeah, I got one more.

Ann (44:24):

Oh, okay. Can yours be funny like hers?

Sherri (44:29):

That’s so much pressure, Dave.

Dave (44:30):

Well, I guess I don’t have one more. Mine was more serious again.

Sherri:

No, go ahead. I like the serious.

Ann (44:39):

Well, we need the serious.

Dave (44:39):

I thought, at least I do this. I don’t know if all guys do, but when you start even talking about this subject, there’s a part of me—and I would say to husbands, don’t do this. Don’t say, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Sherri:

Yeah.

Ann (44:51):

Wait, I have to say soon as we started reading the book, Sherri, Dave’s, like, “I’m out. I’m out. I’m not doing this.”

Sherri:

This is not going to work.

Dave (45:01):

Well, I remember even as a young dad—again, I had three sons—being with my buddies like Rob and Michelle, and they had daughters, and they’d start talking about this at the dinner table. This is a normal thing of their lives, which it is. And I’d be like, “I’m going out and shooting baskets.” I mean, seriously, this felt, it just felt, oh, I didn’t grow up with it. My mom never talked about it. So it was over there, and I didn’t have to deal with it. And the reason I bring this up is husbands don’t do that. This is the world that your women live in.

Ann (45:30):

With your sons too.

Dave (45:31):

And teach your sons this. But the other reason I thought this is sort of serious is the church won’t talk about it either. The fact that you wrote this book and a publisher won’t touch it, it’s in Christian world.

Sherri (45:42):

Right.

Dave (45:43):

And churches are going to be like, “Nah, that’s important to talk about.” But it’s like this is something that should be talked about.

Ann (45:49):

It’s how God made us.

Sherri (45:49):

And it’s our lives. It’s our lives. And so if you love that woman, it’s a part of her life. And so Brant again said something so wonderful, he was talking about this issue with his wife, and he said to himself, “No, this is what you wanted. You asked God for a wife; you asked God for a human woman. That’s what she is. This is what she goes through. And so you care about that because you care about her. And you can’t take a piece of her, a big, huge piece of her and say, ‘I don’t want to talk about that’ when it’s the majority of her life and it’s going to disrupt her life every single month for every single year that you all are together. Do you know how much you’re dismissing of her?”

Ann (46:31):

Oh yeah.

Sherri (46:32):

Just if you love her, this is a part of that and learn about it as much as you can.

Dave (46:37):

I mean, I was thinking, because again, I shy away from that. If a husband said to his wife or a dad said to his daughter, at the right age, “Hey, tell me how this makes you feel. This whole thing of your life,” would that make the wife feel honored?

Ann:

And the daughter

Sherri (46:53):

The wife, yes. But your daughter is going to just melt because that means dad—I mean, because she’s hearing other guys make fun of it.

Ann (47:05):

Yeah.

Sherri (47:05):

She’s hearing other guys shame her for it. If her father comes and says, “Tell me what this feels like. How can Dad make this better? What can Dad do for you so that it’s not that difficult?” you have opened something there. Not just physically, you’ve opened something spiritually.

Ann (47:20):

Yeah.

Sherri (47:21):

Because the Bible said—one of the funniest lines in the Bible to me is when Jesus says, “If you then, being evil”—that’s so funny to me because he’s looking at people—”If you then, being evil, know how to give gifts to your children, how much more does your Heavenly Father.” You open something up that if my earthly father is willing to sit down and talk to me about something that doesn’t actually affect him but affects me to a point and I don’t understand why, then how much more does my Heavenly Father care? You’re opening up a really, really good channel there for her and her Heavenly Father

Ann (47:47):

And even to sit in the miracle of you have the potential to give life. That’s a miracle. Something that a man will never experience. You have that potential in your body. That’s something to celebrate.

Hey, thanks for watching and if you like this episode—

Dave (48:03):

You better like it.

Ann (48:04):

—just hit that “Like” button.

Dave (48:05):

And we’d like you to subscribe. So all you got to do is go down and hit the “Subscribe”—I can’t say the word, subscribe. Hit the “Subscribe” button. I don’t think I can say this word.

Ann:

Like and subscribe.

Dave:

Look at that. You say it so easy. Subscribe, there it goes.

FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife®, a Cru® Ministry.

Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.

If you’ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?

Copyright © 2025 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

www.FamilyLife.com