Trusting Your Spouse in Crisis: Life-Saving Lessons from a Sudden Health Scare | Dave & Ann Wilson

Episode Transcript

FamilyLife Today® with Dave and Ann Wilson; Podcast Transcript

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Lessons from the ER

Guests:Dave and Ann Wilson

Release Date:September 11, 2025

Ann (00:00):

The doctor says, “She’s 99 percent blocked,” and we’re all like, “What?!” And it was off the widow maker artery right below that.

Dave (00:09):

So we had to be ambulanced. You had to be ambulanced to another hospital, trauma hospital for a heart center.

Ann (00:15):

And I didn’t hold it against you when you said, “So how much is it going to be to be in the ambulance? Can I just drive her?”

Dave (00:28):

So we had a little visit to the emergency room. Let’s tell our listeners and watchers what happened.

Ann (00:36):

And what they can learn from it.

Dave (00:37):

We’ll see.

Ann (00:38):

—in marriage.

Dave (00:39):

Maybe.

Ann (00:39):

Hopefully. So we were recording. It was a whole day. We had a great day recording. Gary Chapman was in the studio. We’ve always loved being with him. But earlier that day and the day before, so Monday and Tuesday when I had gone up the stairs, I told you, “It’s so weird when I go up the stairs, I feel a little breathless and a little tightness in my chest.” That’s all I said, one time.

Dave (01:04):

And I sort of thought nothing of it.

Ann (01:07):

So we record all day. It was awesome. Then we go out to dinner with some friends. That was great. Got home late around 10:30. I thought maybe I should get that checked into with that heart thing because I have a really bad history of heart and uncles and father and people dying very, very early from heart disease. But all my numbers are good. I’m like, I have a good diet. I exercise regularly so I’m sure I’m fine.

So I called my cardiologist friend in Michigan and said, “Hey Matt, I wonder if I could get in to see you maybe in a couple of weeks or a month or so.” And he goes, “What? Oh, okay. What’s up Ann? What’s going on?” I said, “Oh, I just, a couple times I’ve gone up the stairs and I felt some tightness in my chest, and I’ve felt a little breathless and I’ve never had that before.” He goes, “Huh, yeah, I want you to pack a bag, and I want you to go to the hospital right now—to the ER.” I’m like, “What? You want me to go to the ER? I’m pretty sure I’m fine.” He goes, “No, this is significant for you. And the fact that you’re calling me at 10:30 tonight is telling me something’s up. So I really just want you to go get it checked. Probably nothing.” So I come down the stairs with a bag.

Dave (02:21):

I’m watching the NBA playoffs. That tells you what month that was, May and June.

Ann (02:26):

And so I’m like—you’re like, “What are you doing with a bag?”

Dave:

You don’t even tell me.

Ann:

I said, “We need to go to the hospital.” And you were shocked. “What are you talking about?”

Dave (02:39):

I thought you were talking to one of the kids. I heard you on the phone. So yeah, I had no idea.

Ann (02:44):

But you know what I loved about you? I love this about you. You totally trust me. Here’s one of the lessons learned. Trust your spouse because you’re like, “Alright, let me get my stuff and we’ll head over there.” How did you have no—because I’m pretty laid back in terms of, I don’t make a big deal of things. And you’re like that too. And I was actually a little surprised that you weren’t pushing back saying, “You’re fine, you eat good, your blood works good.” Why didn’t you push back at all?

Dave (03:17):

Well, some of our listeners and watchers will remember another story in our life. We call it the melanoma trip where I didn’t show up and didn’t trust you so I think when—

Ann (03:32):

I had surgery by myself for melanoma.

Dave (03:34):

We thought it was going to be just a consult. It was four hours away. You asked me to go.

Ann (03:40):

And you were in a softball game.

Dave (03:42):

I had to play softball. They’re not going to do the surgery anyway. They’re just going to look at it. Well they ended up looking at it and doing the surgery. And I wasn’t there. And so I missed it. I even said on FamilyLife Today, “I’ll never miss another one.” I said, “Husbands, wives, don’t miss it. If your spouse has something going on, you get there.” I think that was part of what was happening. I mean, I’m literally sitting on the couch watching the game and you say, “We need to go to the ER.” I’m like, “Why?” “I just talked to the cardiologist, and he said, he recommends we go right now.” And I’m off the couch

Ann (04:21):

Instantly.

Dave:

I’m running off to the car.

Ann:

I can admit I was kind of shocked by that. But now I forgot about the melanoma thing. You really were putting into practice what you had learned.

Dave (04:32):

I learned it.

Ann (04:32):

When your spouse is in crisis, you’re there.

Dave (04:35):

Trust your spouse.

Ann (04:37):

I like that.

Dave (04:38):

And I think it’s trust your kids. I mean, if there’s something that you can tell is not right or very important and you sense it, there’s nothing else more important than this moment right now. Get there. Help them, whatever it is. If they need you to run upstairs and vacuum the bedroom, do it. I don’t know what it is, but man, in that situation, it’s like something critical. There’s something wrong with your heart. Your dad had, what, three major heart surgeries?

Ann (05:10):

He had two heart attacks.

Dave (05:11):

His dad died when he was in his forties. I mean, there’s heart disease.

Ann (05:15):

His dad had two triple heart bypasses. His dad died at 41; his brother died at 41.

Dave (05:21):

And when we even got to the ER, they said, “This is a hundred percent genetic.”

Ann (05:25):

Yes.

Dave (05:26):

You’re in shape, you eat well, this is genetic.

Ann (05:30):

Here’s what I’m thinking, “We have to record the rest of the week. We need to get out of here” because all the tests came back normal.

Dave (05:36):

That’s all you cared about. It’s like, “We’re going home. We’ve got work to do tomorrow.”

Ann (05:40):

Yeah. I’m like, “Hey, we need to get home.” They’re like, “Eh, we actually need to do a heart catheterization.” And I’m like, “Oh no.” And so we called our executive producer Jim and said, “Jim, we are so sorry, but we’re going to be doing a heart procedure, a heart catheterization in the morning.” And he was so gracious. But even that, you were right by my side the whole time and I loved it.

Dave (06:06):

Well, I wrote down some lessons learned in the ER, and you just said the first one, trust your spouse. So don’t even question it. Trust. And I know you might say, “My spouse over exaggerates”—

Ann:

He’s super dramatic.

Dave:

—”everything.” And of course, maybe that’s true and you need to make sure but—

Ann (06:23):

No, I say trust them anyway, of just make sure you’re listening. “Tell me more. What’s happening.” But I think it can be easy for one person to become incredibly analytical and logical in the moment. “You’re fine. Wasn’t your blood”—if you would’ve done that, if you would’ve said any of that—

Dave (06:43):

Which I would’ve done a year ago.

Ann (06:45):

I was already doing it to myself. “Your blood work’s fine. You exercised. You just walked a long way yesterday.”

Dave (06:52):

And honestly, there was a part of me that was like, “We have two more days of recordings. We can’t go to the ER tonight.”

Ann (07:01):

I thought the same thing.

Dave (07:01):

“We can wait until Thursday night.”

Ann (07:02):

If you would’ve said that, I would’ve been like, “You’re right.”

Dave (07:05):

If I would’ve said that, you hear me, that would’ve said “My work’s more important than you are. Our work’s more important than you are.” So fortunately I did the right thing saying, “You’re more important than our work. You’re more important than anything.”

Ann (07:18):

So they ended up doing the heart catheterization. I’m on the table, which by the way, I had no idea that you’re wide awake during this heart cath. And they go in through the wrist, I can feel it go all the way up my arm into my heart.

Dave (07:33):

Your forearm is still bruised.

Ann (07:35):

I know. And I remember the nurse that was right by my head. She goes, “It’s going to be clear. We’re all betting on it. Just we can look at your lifestyle.” I’m like, “Oh, that’s nice of you.” And then the doctor says, “She’s 99 percent blocked,” and we’re all like, “What?!” And it was off the widow maker artery right below that. It was 99 percent blocked.

Dave (07:59):

It’s a critical moment.

Ann (08:01):

So if you would’ve hesitated—

Dave (08:03):

That’s the second lesson learned. First one is, trust your spouse. Second one is, don’t hesitate. Right? There was no hesitation.

Ann (08:11):

There’s no hesitation at all.

Dave (08:12):

Go. There’s something going on. You trust her. You trust him. You say, “We got to go now.” Don’t wait.

Ann (08:18):

Even if it was nothing, even if it was totally fine, everything came back normal, the fact that you trusted me and you didn’t hesitate, to me said, “I’m with you. I love you. I’m beside you. I believe you.” And that’s a big deal. So I might’ve been embarrassed like, “Oh, it was nothing.” But you wouldn’t have made me feel embarrassed about it. You would’ve just been, “I’m really glad we got it checked, aren’t you?”

Dave (08:44):

Yeah. I mean, it’s a lesson learned that I learned before, just trust your spouse and don’t hesitate. And that means this, if it’s important to your spouse, it’s important to you. I can tell this was important. Obviously, it’s medical, but I’m saying in anything, if your spouse says, “We need to be at the kid’s game tonight,” you get to the kid’s game. “We need to go to this parent teacher thing”—I blew those off all the time. She thinks it’s important, but it’s not important because I didn’t think it was important. It’s like I missed some of those and I’m now learning if it’s important to your spouse, it’s important. Get there.

Ann (09:22):

I know that even preaching, when you preach, that was big for me. I need to be there to support you.

Dave (09:29):

And you need to cheer in the front row and say my jokes are funny.

Ann (09:32):

I did do that. I laughed because I think you are.

Dave (09:36):

Whatever.

Ann (09:36):

But I think it goes both ways because we can be resentful in our relationship and we may have drifted a little bit, so we might feel like our spouse doesn’t deserve it. Neither do we. It’s called the grace of the gospel. We’re there. We see each other. We believe each other and we’re with each other, even in the hard and the ugly times we are believing in each other.

Dave (10:00):

And what nobody knows about the rest of this story is we go in Tuesday night and they say, we’re going to keep you overnight and we’re going to do the—

Ann:

—heart cath.

Dave:

—heart cath in the morning. So that’s one night.

Ann (10:14):

But they did say, “But if you have blockage, we can’t do the stent to put in that artery.”

Dave (10:21):

So we had to be ambulanced. You had to be ambulanced to another hospital, trauma hospital.

Ann (10:27):

Okay, I’m going to give you grace on this one.

Dave (10:28):

And they couldn’t get her in for two days. So we were there three days waiting for a heart stent.

Ann (10:33):

And I didn’t hold it against you when you said, “So how much is it going to be to be in the ambulance? Can I just drive her?”

Dave (10:43):

Come on, every husband would ask that question. That wasn’t that unusual.

Ann (10:47):

The nurse says to you, she shamed you. She goes, “She’s 99 percent blocked. Do you really want to risk that?”

Dave (10:55):

I’m thinking she’s probably been blocked for a while. We don’t even know.

Ann (11:00):

This is where the logical part of your head comes in.

Dave (11:03):

Yeah. Well, money’s not important in a crisis. You hear me? It’s not important.

Ann (11:09):

That’s so hard for you to say.

Dave (11:09):

Even though we hit our out of pocket in one week, it’s not important. But when I say don’t hesitate, nobody knows the rest of the story. You have the stent put in on Friday, and I asked the doctor when he comes out—

Ann (11:23):

And I asked the doctor when I’m on the table, “Hey, we’re supposed to be in Colorado on Monday. We’re going to be on Focus on the Family because of our new book. Do you think I can go?” And he told you the same thing? “Yes.”

Dave (11:36):

Yeah, he said yes. And honestly, if he would’ve said no, we don’t go.

Ann (11:39):

We wouldn’t have gone.

Dave (11:40):

I mean, it’s a big deal for our book and for that but if he says no, we don’t do it. But he told me, “Yeah, you can go,” so we go to Denver on Friday night and—

Ann (11:49):

Flight’s delayed.

Dave (11:50):

—drive to the hotel.

Ann (11:52):

It’s a four-hour flight.

Dave (11:53):

And Ann wakes up at three in the morning and says, “There’s something wrong. I’m going to pass out. My legs are tingling.” And there’s another part of me is like, “You just had a stent. You’re fine.” I never said that.

Ann (12:06):

No.

Dave (12:07):

I said, “Get in the car. We’re going right now.”

Ann (12:10):

And I happened to notice that there was a hospital right next to the hotel, which was kind of great.

Dave (12:15):

So there we were at three in the morning. We didn’t sleep the whole night.

Ann (12:18):

I know. Here’s what happened. And this is another lesson learned.

Dave (12:22):

Oh, another one.

Ann (12:23):

Yeah. You didn’t hesitate. We went straight to the hospital. They ran a bunch of tests, said, “Your heart’s fine, but you’re low in potassium. You’re probably dehydrated. You’re low in electrolytes.” And I think the altitude really affected me. And now I’m on medication. I’ve never been on in my life to lower my blood pressure, which was already low anyway. So I think all of that combined created this incredible—I was super dizzy. All my limbs were asleep. And so here’s the lesson learned: together is always better. Because when we got back to the hotel room—it’s probably like five in the morning. We had to get up in a couple hours. I remember you pulling me over. I fell instantly asleep because of your presence.

Dave (13:12):

I didn’t sleep the rest of the night.

Ann (13:15):

You didn’t?

Dave (13:16):

I did not sleep that whole night.

Ann (13:18):

Was this the first time you were really scared?

Dave (13:21):

Yeah. I was like, well, you just had a stent put in, hopefully the problem solved, and it looked like it wasn’t. So maybe it’s worse than the doctors even knew. Only to find out it really was altitude, and the stent is great and you’re fine, but I didn’t know and I’m just praying and holding you.

Ann (13:42):

And so I’m instantly—

Dave:

I had no idea you slept. I’m instantly asleep because one, Jesus. You had prayed over me, which was like talk about a sweet gift just to pray over your spouse. Whenever they’re going through anything just pray over them. And then when you tucked me in and you prayed over me; brought me instant peace. It’s like God’s peace and your comfort and your presence and God’s presence. That’s a powerful combo when you feel that with your spouse. And even your concern, I could tell you were concerned. You weren’t brushing it off. You’re like, “Come here.” And that, man, those places in our marriage when we’re broken or needy or scared, that’s when it’s so much better to have two instead of one.

Dave (14:31):

Yeah, you need your spouse. And if you’re a single mom or a single dad, I’ve been there with my mom as a single mom, you need community.

Ann (14:40):

You were a gift to her too.

Dave (14:40):

Together is better.

Ann (14:41):

But I think too, I think that’s always important for our kids too, to drop whatever. If they’re struggling, we drop it and we give them full eyes, full attention. We’re locked in, to whatever pain or fear they’re in. That was a sweet gift to me.

Dave (14:58):

I didn’t even know it, so just we’re telling the world but yeah, what a night, what a week.

Ann:

What a night.

Dave:

So here’s lessons from the ER, review: trust your spouse, don’t hesitate, together is always better. And I guess we’re going to have five lessons. So number four, maybe you’ll have another one is look for cues from your spouse of fear and maybe anxiety. There are cues that she or he is giving off that often—

Ann (15:30):

With our kids too.

Dave (15:30):

—we cover. Yeah, I mean, lessons from the ER would be look for cues. You started talking faster. You don’t even know.

Ann (15:38):

I’m like, when I get nervous, I talk more.

Dave (15:40):

I’m like, she’s scared.

Ann (15:42):

But I’m telling them about Jesus. That’s my go-to. Like I’m telling the nurse, “Oh, well do you go to church anywhere?” And then I give her the name of the church, and she comes back and she’s like, “What’s the name of that church? I really want to go to it.” And so it’s good that I go toward Jesus and the gospel and telling them, but you knew, “Oh, she’s really nervous.”

Dave (16:03):

Yeah, I mean, I didn’t say, “Hey, you’re really scared, aren’t you?” I mean, I was scared too, but it’s like be an expert—

(16:14):

—on your kids, on your mom or dad, whoever. But for you, it’s me with you; I’m your spouse. Look for cues. They’re not always going to say, “I’m really scared right now.” They might, but they might just give off cues that, “Oh, this is a big, big deal.” I mean, I knew when you came down the steps with your bag packed, like, “We’re going to the ER,” I could tell. I was like—“My cardiologist just said, ‘You’re not going to like this, but you got to get there now.’” I could tell by your look. That’s probably why I responded pretty quick. I’m watching cues like this isn’t maybe we should go to the ER. This is, we’re going and it’s almost like I’m going with or without you. I missed the last one. The trip to Ohio for the melanoma surgery. I’m not missing this one. So man, when they give off the cues, that is a signal. It’s a flashing light on the dashboard of their life. I want you with me. I need you with me. Please come with me.

Dave (17:20):

I’m just saying, don’t miss that moment.

Ann (17:23):

In marriage, whether it’s physical, emotional, mental, whatever it is, spiritual. I think we should always be watching our spouse and what they’re feeling because they’re always giving off clues. I think we can take it personally like, “What’s his problem?” Your thing when you get scared, you get scared of money, loss, or anything that has to do with money, that stresses you out and you shut down emotionally. And instead of me being resentful, like, “Oh boy, here he is. He’s worried about money again. God’s got us. I could say that, “God’s got us.”

Dave (18:03):

You have said that and it’s true.

Ann (18:05):

I have said it. Because it is true, but I need to be more empathetic instead of being annoyed or taking it personally or, “Oh boy, here they go again.” I think that’s just part of being one that we support each other. We see each other and we look for fear, cues of fear, anxiety. our kids depression.

Dave (18:24):

Anger’s a cue.

Ann (18:27):

Oh, good one. And that’s the one we take personally.

Dave (18:28):

Short fuse, and they’re snappy. And it could be that’s connected to they’re afraid or they’re anxious and they’re worried about something and they’re not saying it out loud. So there’s a cue there. It’s like, okay, I need to step in and ask questions or be their partner in whatever way it is. For you it was just, there’s fear.

Ann (18:52):

Yeah.

Dave (18:53):

I mean, you grew up in a family where you’ve watched people die of heart disease. This is a big deal. We don’t know what’s going on. So when somebody’s afraid, you get beside them, you get as close to them as possible because you in a sense are God beside them. You are reminding them; His presence is with us. I mean, Psalm 34, “The Lord is close”—

Ann (19:15):

Yes.

Dave (19:16):

—”to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” How does He often do that? Through another person; not the only way, but he uses your spouse to remind them, it’s okay, God’s here.

Ann (19:27):

And I think we can often, when we’re in situations where we’re stressed, we’re fearful, we’re anxious, we can be prickly. We don’t necessarily, especially, I don’t know which one it would be the man or the woman, but we can get prickly or protective. And so we kind of push off. And you may not even want to be close to that person because it’s like they have these prickles coming out and they’re not fun to be around. But I would say press into that. It might hurt a little bit, but don’t let their attitude or their anger or whatever push you away. It can easily happen. Continue to pursue them even in the midst of something hard. That would be especially teenagers.

Dave (20:13):

What’s that mean?

Ann (20:13):

“I don’t need you, Mom and Dad, just get out of here.” And so you’re going to give them some space, but you’re going to continue to pursue them in a way that’s meaningful to them: writing a note, telling them you see them, telling them you love them.” I used to put scripture in our kids—I’d actually find these little rocks, and I would put scripture on them when I felt like I could feel their tenseness or their worry. And I would just put a little, it was like a little stone. And I’d put it beside where they ate breakfast every morning. And I’d say like, “I’m really praying for you, Hun.” And then I would write out the scripture on that stone and they’d put it in their pocket. They’d always take it to school. And I remember one time, this friend of our sons, Joe said, “Hey, Mrs. Wilson, do you think you could write some scripture for me and put it on the rock so I can have it with me for my track meet today?” Isn’t that awesome?

Dave (21:06):

Scripture rock.

Ann (21:08):

It’s a scripture rock. And the verse that I wrote down a lot of times was Philippians 4:6.

Dave (21:14):

That’s our last lesson from the ER. Trust your spouse, don’t hesitate, together is always better, look for cues of fear and anxiety, and the last one is, pray, pray, pray. Philippians 4. “Don’t be anxious”—

Ann (21:30):

4:6, 7.

Dave (21:31):

—”about anything, but in everything let your request made known to God.”

Ann (21:38):

We’ve memorized different versions. Yeah, let your requests be made known to God. And then here’s the best part. “And the peace of God”—

Dave (21:48):

—”which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds.”

Ann (21:51):

—”your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.”

Dave (21:54):

So what’s that look like?

Ann (21:55):

I think that’s just, it’s exactly what it says. Pray. Tell God everything you’re feeling, what you’re thinking. I did that the whole time in the emergency room in the hospital for four days in Colorado when we were there. It’s praying without ceasing, constantly. And there is something that happens; that peace of God, it does surpass all understanding. I felt His presence, even when that wire was going up that artery into my arm and into my heart, I kept saying—I haven’t processed it fully yet—I kept saying to myself, “God, you are with me. You are with me. You are with me. And I can be at peace, and I trust you.” And I thought to myself, “Well, I’m either going to be with Him, and if I’m not, that means I have more to do here.” And so there is something that’s pretty powerful knowing that you’re supposed to be here for something more. So thanks for being with me.

Dave (22:58):

I’m glad you’re here.

Ann (23:00):

I’m glad I’m here too.

Dave (23:01):

I’m glad we have more work to do.

Ann (23:03):

I’m glad we’re with FamilyLife Today, this week too.

Dave (23:06):

And if you’re breathing, God has work for you to do, in your marriage and through your marriage. And part of it is being together with your spouse on the top of the mountain and in the valley.

Ann (23:21):

And let me just say, you could be going through some really hard things with your spouse. And I get it. We’ve been there and it is hard. But this relationship with your spouse, it really matters. And we need each other. I need you, and you are there for me the whole time. Thanks.

Dave (23:43):

Hope those lessons help.

Ann (23:46):

Hey, thanks for watching and if you liked this episode—

Dave (23:49):

You better like it.

Ann (23:50):

—just hit that like button

Dave (23:51):

And we’d like you to subscribe. So all you got to do is go down and hit the subscribe—I can’t say the word subscribe. Hit the subscribe button. I don’t think I can say this word.

Ann:

Like and subscribe.

Dave:

Look at that. You say it so easy. Subscribe. There it goes.

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