4 Ways to Talk (and Pray) with Your Kids When the World Feels Unsafe

I woke up one morning to the alarm on my phone. I shuffled to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee then turned on the news. My heart ached with every headline. But as I sat on the couch while my kids still slept in their warm beds, I couldn’t help but feel the stark contrast between reading a headline and experiencing it firsthand.

But sometimes, there’s a connection that makes “out there” tragedy feel so much closer to home, be it proximity, a similar set of values, or even just identifying with an anxious mother running barefoot down a street to get to her children.

That day, tragedy felt very close to home even though my two kids were sleeping down the hall because the world felt unsafe anywhere anymore.

I don’t know the first thing about walking your kids through an actual war zone. Or holding their hands while explaining the violent end to someone they loved. But talking to my kids about the tragedy they’ll inevitably encounter in this world? I can at least do that.

But how do I explain something to my kids that I’m struggling to wrap my head around as well?

You don’t have to walk through life’s struggles alone. Let us know how we can be praying for you.

Talking to your kids when the world feels unsafe

I’ve asked a few other parents how they process headlines and hard conversations in their own homes. Answers varied on the spectrum from “Nothing at all” to “We binged the news.”

Kids will naturally have questions about events in the “adult” world. My children are 18 and 12. So while I’ve found my son wants basic, reassuring answers that keep him in the loop, my teen daughter comes armed with questions and opinions, ready to dive deep.

But overall, there are a few basic guidelines I’ve tried (and failed and repented and tried again) to go by.

1. Speak truthfully, but keep conversations age appropriate.

When your kids ask, be honest, but keep it age appropriate. For a school-age child, what she doesn’t hear from you she might hear at school or elsewhere. So ask what she has already heard. Your conversations from there will depend on both the age of the child and their emotional maturity.

If your teens are on social media, they likely have quite a bit of information—both truth and rumors. So don’t brush off their concerns. Do some extra research if you need to so you can give a thoughtful response, but also know you don’t have to have all the answers.

2. Consider a media break when younger kids are around.

Graphic Images and videos of tragedies spread fast today. My son doesn’t have social media, but a friend had forwarded a link to a violent video I wasn’t able to shield him from. These scenes are honestly hard for us to take in as adults. Young kids have no need to see them.

So allow yourself (and your kids!) a break from media. Instead, use the time to engage with your kids—play a board game, take a walk, share highs and lows of the day. When life feels chaotic, remind them with your actions and words that some things (your love for them) will never change.

3. Remind them good still exists, and encourage them to do good.

We’ve all heard the quote from Fred Rogers from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood: “When I was a boy and would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”

Since hearing this, I’ve looked for the helpers (or heroes) with my kids. When she was young, my daughter was always quick to notice the first responders—the police, firemen, paramedics, etc.—who devote their lives to making people safe in unsafe conditions. Then there are the everyday people who lay down their lives for another, or the ones who give all their resources to help those who have lost so much.

Mr. Rogers’ mother was right. There are always helpers.

A few ideas to be helpers? Attend a prayer vigil or start one in your community. Invite kids to do simple acts of kindness right now, whether it’s taking cookies to their teacher or dropping dinner off at a neighbor’s house for no reason at all. Spreading kindness helps “overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).

4. Pray with them.

Let your children see you relying on the Prince of Peace. Model for them how to take your worries, your burdens and fears, your concerns and heartache over a deeply divided and hurting world, and give them to God through prayer.

And lead your kids in praying for those experiencing tragedy. As you’re talking to your kids, here are four ways to pray.

1. Pray for the safety of those impacted. Have your kids pray for kids just like them, that God would protect them from harm and fear. “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe” (Proverbs 18:10).
2. Pray for those who mourn. Ask God to comfort those experiencing the loss of friends and family, their homes, and sense of security. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).
3. Pray that believers would not lose faith but maintain hope. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
4. Pray for peace when life feels chaotic. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Lisa Lakey is the Director of Publications for FamilyLife. In the little free time she finds between all things parenting and ministry, you can probably find her curled up with a book or lunching with friends. Lisa lives in central Arkansas, with her two kids, Ella and Max.